For the past (nearly) 2 years, the term "daddy" has been more of a negative thing for me. Ben became less involved in Lyla's life as Eric became more - but Lyla has always called Eric, Eric - not daddy. If you ask her who her daddy is, she will tell you it's Eric, but there's still the known fact that a "daddy" exists somewhere out there. The fact that Eric will be Hannah's actual, biological, called-by-the-name daddy is almost strange to me. I have actual fears that I will hand Eric his new baby girl and say "go see Eric!"
It will definitely be an adjustment for me to add the term back into my daily vocabulary - and not want to cringe at the word itself. I'm sure it will be an adjustment for Eric, too - he already feels like a father, but to hear your child call you Daddy after being simply Eric for the last couple of years must be amazing. I'm curious, too, if Lyla will adopt the name for Eric and begin to actually call him Daddy. I have always said that the choice is hers; I don't tell her that Eric is her daddy, I tell her that her daddy is busy at work, but she's a smart little girl and understands that Eric is the father-figure in her life, and took it upon herself to recognize Eric AS her Daddy - name called or not.
Who knew one little word could mean so much?
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Just an Update
So, according to my WTE app, I am 24 weeks and 5 days along, in my 2nd trimester, with a 15 week and 2 day countdown. The baby is roughly the size of an eggplant this week, at about 9 inches and 1.7lbs.
At the beginning of this pregnancy, all I wanted were empty carbs and greasy foods - mainly due to severe morning sickness that barely allowed me to hold down anything, let alone raw fruits and veggies. Now, my cravings have turned for the cliche-expecting-a-girl sweet tooth. Every day after lunch I have 3 Oreos (well, Newmans O's, all natural ;] ) dipped in milk; a must have. At night, it's usually a square of dark chocolate or hot chocolate covered in whipped cream. Just delicious. I've also had a NEED for peanut butter; sandwiches, on toast with banana, smeared on apples, even just spoonfuls. Another recent must have.
The other day I discovered my first "mother-mark" - a varicose vein right in the middle of my lower right leg. Thanks, baby Hannah. I managed to make it through my entire pregnancy with Lyla without a single mark, and now 6 months in to this one I'm sprouting purple spider webs. Just goes to show you can't stop mother nature; even with stretching & yoga daily, exercise 3x's a week and drinking more than enough water, I'm still turning into a human fly catcher. Very sexy.
I'm starting to feel little Braxton Hicks contractions; mainly noticeable when exercising, but sometimes happen even just sitting on the couch. Not painful though, just uncomfortable with the extreme tightening.
Little Hannah has been more active than ever! Eric and I were watching my belly roll like waves in the tide as she performed her nightly gymnastics routine. I'm enjoying it now, since once she's in position she'll only be able to kick me in the rib cage.
After feeling so sick my first few months, it's funny what things can still trigger my nausea. I still can't go anywhere near ginger or bran muffins without a twinge in my stomach, but then there are other things - non-food things, that can trigger it too. For example, the television show Little Einstein's that Lyla loves to watch in the morning. At the time of my sickness, she would watch this show every single morning. She recently switched over to Little Bear for a while instead, and is now back. The sound of the little voices on the show literally make me feel sick. It just reminds me of eating saltines on the couch, sipping my gingerale, and racing to the bathroom. How weird is that?
Exercise is becoming more difficult as the baby gets bigger and heavier on my bladder. Up until recently, my work out routine consisted of a warm up on the bike, 25 minute run on the treadmill, 5 minute jog and 10 minute walk to cool down. Well, after nearly peeing my pants on the treadmill at the gym on more than on occasion, it was clear to me that my pregnancy-running days were over. Bummer. I have now traded the treadmill for the elliptical - alternating 5 minutes forward, 5 minutes backwards. I'm determined to work out as much as I can, while I can. I know that soon the elliptical may even become to difficult and I'll be left with my only option: walking. But, every little bit helps; I feel better, I'm gaining weight at a steady, healthy pace, my labor will (hopefully) be easier, and my body will (again, hopefully) go back to pre-pregnancy status sooner. This all reined true for everything with Lyla; hopefully I will be lucky enough to have it happen twice.
Well, a little more than 3 months until our little girl is here, and for now I'm just going to sit back, eat my cookies and peanut butter, feel those little kicks and flutters, and exercise as much as my body will allow.
Until next time, blog.
At the beginning of this pregnancy, all I wanted were empty carbs and greasy foods - mainly due to severe morning sickness that barely allowed me to hold down anything, let alone raw fruits and veggies. Now, my cravings have turned for the cliche-expecting-a-girl sweet tooth. Every day after lunch I have 3 Oreos (well, Newmans O's, all natural ;] ) dipped in milk; a must have. At night, it's usually a square of dark chocolate or hot chocolate covered in whipped cream. Just delicious. I've also had a NEED for peanut butter; sandwiches, on toast with banana, smeared on apples, even just spoonfuls. Another recent must have.
The other day I discovered my first "mother-mark" - a varicose vein right in the middle of my lower right leg. Thanks, baby Hannah. I managed to make it through my entire pregnancy with Lyla without a single mark, and now 6 months in to this one I'm sprouting purple spider webs. Just goes to show you can't stop mother nature; even with stretching & yoga daily, exercise 3x's a week and drinking more than enough water, I'm still turning into a human fly catcher. Very sexy.
I'm starting to feel little Braxton Hicks contractions; mainly noticeable when exercising, but sometimes happen even just sitting on the couch. Not painful though, just uncomfortable with the extreme tightening.
Little Hannah has been more active than ever! Eric and I were watching my belly roll like waves in the tide as she performed her nightly gymnastics routine. I'm enjoying it now, since once she's in position she'll only be able to kick me in the rib cage.
After feeling so sick my first few months, it's funny what things can still trigger my nausea. I still can't go anywhere near ginger or bran muffins without a twinge in my stomach, but then there are other things - non-food things, that can trigger it too. For example, the television show Little Einstein's that Lyla loves to watch in the morning. At the time of my sickness, she would watch this show every single morning. She recently switched over to Little Bear for a while instead, and is now back. The sound of the little voices on the show literally make me feel sick. It just reminds me of eating saltines on the couch, sipping my gingerale, and racing to the bathroom. How weird is that?
Exercise is becoming more difficult as the baby gets bigger and heavier on my bladder. Up until recently, my work out routine consisted of a warm up on the bike, 25 minute run on the treadmill, 5 minute jog and 10 minute walk to cool down. Well, after nearly peeing my pants on the treadmill at the gym on more than on occasion, it was clear to me that my pregnancy-running days were over. Bummer. I have now traded the treadmill for the elliptical - alternating 5 minutes forward, 5 minutes backwards. I'm determined to work out as much as I can, while I can. I know that soon the elliptical may even become to difficult and I'll be left with my only option: walking. But, every little bit helps; I feel better, I'm gaining weight at a steady, healthy pace, my labor will (hopefully) be easier, and my body will (again, hopefully) go back to pre-pregnancy status sooner. This all reined true for everything with Lyla; hopefully I will be lucky enough to have it happen twice.
Well, a little more than 3 months until our little girl is here, and for now I'm just going to sit back, eat my cookies and peanut butter, feel those little kicks and flutters, and exercise as much as my body will allow.
Until next time, blog.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Different Mind Sets
Every thing I have read, and every mother with multiple children, has told me that every pregnancy is different. For me, this was true not only with symptoms, but with my state of mind.
I was 19 when I got pregnant with Lyla, and under much different circumstances as I'm sure most of you are aware. I was a party girl, coming out of a bad relationship and subsequently making unwise decisions. Little Lyla was created and my partying days were over. Any pregnancy at any age comes with its own difficulties, but mine were especially pronounced. I had no real desire to be with the person who would (biologically) father my child, and to make matters worse, I would sit at home (over the toilet, mostly), knowing all my friends were still out partying, carefree, without me. Being pregnant at a young age was tough - none of my friends had babies, and I didn't have anyone to relate to with my morning sickness and non-stop growing uterus. And, as I'm sure all young parents have faced, you have to tell you parents. I was so nervous, I seriously considered e-mailing my dad to tell him, because I didn't want to see the look of disappointment on his face. Then there was the concern of everyone else finding out: what will they say about me? what will they think? Of course, all these worries were put to rest as my pregnancy progressed and Lyla came into the world. Suddenly I was the center of attention. Everyone wanted to be a part of this little miracle, and they were; I must have had at least a few visitors a day for Lyla's first few months of life. And then, the newness wore off, and I was left a nearly single mom with Lyla's father working such long hours and my friends and family returning to their everyday lives.
But this time was so wonderfully different. Not only was it a planned pregnancy, but planned with my husband (man, that feels good to say). When I was pregnant with Lyla, I noticed that people would often glance down at my ring finger out of curiosity. "Hmmm...someone didn't plan this" I always assumed they were thinking. But this time, I didn't want to crawl under a rock for 9 months once those little pink lines showed up on that stick; I wanted to tell everyone. This time, I called my dad first. Then sent the not-so-subtle photo message of my pee stick to my close friends, mom and brother. It was a great feeling to get responses like "YAY!!" and "congratulations!!" verses "are you going to keep it?" or "uh-oh".
So although these two pregnancies have been very different, both symptomatically and emotionally - and I will love both my girls the same - I can't help but be thankful of the situation I'm in now, and can appreciate it that much more because of where I had been.
I was 19 when I got pregnant with Lyla, and under much different circumstances as I'm sure most of you are aware. I was a party girl, coming out of a bad relationship and subsequently making unwise decisions. Little Lyla was created and my partying days were over. Any pregnancy at any age comes with its own difficulties, but mine were especially pronounced. I had no real desire to be with the person who would (biologically) father my child, and to make matters worse, I would sit at home (over the toilet, mostly), knowing all my friends were still out partying, carefree, without me. Being pregnant at a young age was tough - none of my friends had babies, and I didn't have anyone to relate to with my morning sickness and non-stop growing uterus. And, as I'm sure all young parents have faced, you have to tell you parents. I was so nervous, I seriously considered e-mailing my dad to tell him, because I didn't want to see the look of disappointment on his face. Then there was the concern of everyone else finding out: what will they say about me? what will they think? Of course, all these worries were put to rest as my pregnancy progressed and Lyla came into the world. Suddenly I was the center of attention. Everyone wanted to be a part of this little miracle, and they were; I must have had at least a few visitors a day for Lyla's first few months of life. And then, the newness wore off, and I was left a nearly single mom with Lyla's father working such long hours and my friends and family returning to their everyday lives.
But this time was so wonderfully different. Not only was it a planned pregnancy, but planned with my husband (man, that feels good to say). When I was pregnant with Lyla, I noticed that people would often glance down at my ring finger out of curiosity. "Hmmm...someone didn't plan this" I always assumed they were thinking. But this time, I didn't want to crawl under a rock for 9 months once those little pink lines showed up on that stick; I wanted to tell everyone. This time, I called my dad first. Then sent the not-so-subtle photo message of my pee stick to my close friends, mom and brother. It was a great feeling to get responses like "YAY!!" and "congratulations!!" verses "are you going to keep it?" or "uh-oh".
So although these two pregnancies have been very different, both symptomatically and emotionally - and I will love both my girls the same - I can't help but be thankful of the situation I'm in now, and can appreciate it that much more because of where I had been.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Going from 1 to 2
Most days, I am so excited to bring a new little bundle of joy to our family, and to share things with Hannah that I have shared with Lyla. But then there are days like yesterday, when Lyla was having what we call a "sensitive day" and cried at nearly everything, where I can't help but think to myself "what are we getting ourselves into!?"
I have several fears that come long with this new little addition. The main one being that I will not be able to give her as much attention as I did with Lyla. With Lyla being my first, I don't have much to compare her to as far as milestones go, but lots of people have told me she's well ahead of where the average 2 1/2 year old is for speaking, motor skills, and emotions. I can't help but be proud when I hear this, because from the moment I found out I was pregnant with her I did everything in my power to make sure she was the healthiest, happiest little girl. I even read to her when she was still growing in me, let alone all the reading and song singing we did once she was born. Now, expecting my 2nd child, I'm realizing how easy it was to raise Lyla just the way I wanted, because it was just the two of us. Now, both my girls will have to share my time, and I can't help but sometimes wish there were two of me, just to be fair. Lyla's mommy time will be interrupted by nursing sessions (and an all around exhausted mother), and Hannah will have to learn to share me from the start, unlike Lyla who had me to herself for nearly 3 years. I just hope that I will be able to give Hannah the same opportunities I've given to Lyla.
I worry about my tolerance level, having to deal with 2 children on next to no sleep, with a full-time working husband. My "cool-calm-collected" manners may change, which is understandable, yet not fair to my girls. I've already declared that I will not be taking both children to the grocery store by myself - sometimes Lyla still has her typical 2 year old moments in there, how am I supposed to deal with that on top of a hungry new born? Yeesh. I also worry about how all this will effect Eric and I; he'll need a break when he gets home from his long work day, yet, so will I. We talk about it often, so hopefully when the time is here, we will fall into a pattern of understanding and helpfulness for each other.
Despite these worries, I know they are things that will all blow over in time. I know that I'll need to prepare myself for doing things different than I'm used to, because now I will have 2 children. That's double what I'm used to. I also know that the exhaustion phase will eventually come to an end, and before it does, that I will find appropriate ways to deal with it (not that I won't have my days, I'm sure). I am also just so overjoyed to have the opportunity to have another baby, especially SINCE I have done it before. Lyla's still little, yes, but she's also so big! I'm looking forward to (and still think I'm a bit crazy for) starting over, and knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel of those long nights and restless days.
Moving
Most women experience a period called "nesting" during their pregnancy. This is when you have the need to clean and organize absolutely everything in preparation of the new baby. Now into my 6th month of expectancy, I have started to feel the pull of the nesting force field, and because of this, our move couldn't have come at a better time.
When you finish organizing something, you have this feeling within you as if you just finished a huge school project; relief and accomplishment. I have experienced this time and time again over the past few weeks, beginning with giving our new apartment fresh coats of paint, to organizing all of Lyla's saved baby clothes. Our apartment is so clean you could eat off the floors (which have just been redone), and little Hannah's closet is starting to fill up. We steam cleaned Lyla's rug - which makes me feel both accomplished and grossed out, based on how disgusting the water was when we finished. It feels amazing to be so well prepared for the next few months to come. I also had the opportunity to move while I was pregnant with Lyla, so I am familiar with how great a move can be when you're expecting; though, my husband may disagree since I'm not allowed to do much in the "moving" process.
I think the fact that we have been slowly packing and moving for the last month will help Lyla a lot, too; both with the move itself and the arrival of her baby sister. She's been a huge part in helping us pack - picking which toys she wants to bring over, what color to paint her (and Hannah's) room, etc. She also gets a kick out of going through her baby stuff, gushing when she picks up the newborn-sized onesies.
We'll be all moved in by next weekend (weather permitting) and I cannot wait to continue to make this new place our home.
When you finish organizing something, you have this feeling within you as if you just finished a huge school project; relief and accomplishment. I have experienced this time and time again over the past few weeks, beginning with giving our new apartment fresh coats of paint, to organizing all of Lyla's saved baby clothes. Our apartment is so clean you could eat off the floors (which have just been redone), and little Hannah's closet is starting to fill up. We steam cleaned Lyla's rug - which makes me feel both accomplished and grossed out, based on how disgusting the water was when we finished. It feels amazing to be so well prepared for the next few months to come. I also had the opportunity to move while I was pregnant with Lyla, so I am familiar with how great a move can be when you're expecting; though, my husband may disagree since I'm not allowed to do much in the "moving" process.
I think the fact that we have been slowly packing and moving for the last month will help Lyla a lot, too; both with the move itself and the arrival of her baby sister. She's been a huge part in helping us pack - picking which toys she wants to bring over, what color to paint her (and Hannah's) room, etc. She also gets a kick out of going through her baby stuff, gushing when she picks up the newborn-sized onesies.
We'll be all moved in by next weekend (weather permitting) and I cannot wait to continue to make this new place our home.
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