Going from 1 to 2

Most days, I am so excited to bring a new little bundle of joy to our family, and to share things with Hannah that I have shared with Lyla. But then there are days like yesterday, when Lyla was having what we call a "sensitive day" and cried at nearly everything, where I can't help but think to myself "what are we getting ourselves into!?" 

I have several fears that come long with this new little addition. The main one being that I will not be able to give her as much attention as I did with Lyla. With Lyla being my first, I don't have much to compare her to as far as milestones go, but lots of people have told me she's well ahead of where the average 2 1/2 year old is for speaking, motor skills, and emotions. I can't help but be proud when I hear this, because from the moment I found out I was pregnant with her I did everything in my power to make sure she was the healthiest, happiest little girl. I even read to her when she was still growing in me, let alone all the reading and song singing we did once she was born. Now, expecting my 2nd child, I'm realizing how easy it was to raise Lyla just the way I wanted, because it was just the two of us. Now, both my girls will have to share my time, and I can't help but sometimes wish there were two of me, just to be fair. Lyla's mommy time will be interrupted by nursing sessions (and an all around exhausted mother), and Hannah will have to learn to share me from the start, unlike Lyla who had me to herself for nearly 3 years. I just hope that I will be able to give Hannah the same opportunities I've given to Lyla. 

I worry about my tolerance level, having to deal with 2 children on next to no sleep, with a full-time working husband. My "cool-calm-collected" manners may change, which is understandable, yet not fair to my girls. I've already declared that I will not be taking both children to the grocery store by myself - sometimes Lyla still has her typical 2 year old moments in there, how am I supposed to deal with that on top of a hungry new born? Yeesh. I also worry about how all this will effect Eric and I; he'll need a break when he gets home from his long work day, yet, so will I. We talk about it often, so hopefully when the time is here, we will fall into a pattern of understanding and helpfulness for each other. 

Despite these worries, I know they are things that will all blow over in time. I know that I'll need to prepare myself for doing things different than I'm used to, because now I will have 2 children. That's double what I'm used to. I also know that the exhaustion phase will eventually come to an end, and before it does, that I will find appropriate ways to deal with it (not that I won't have my days, I'm sure). I am also just so overjoyed to have the opportunity to have another baby, especially SINCE I have done it before. Lyla's still little, yes, but she's also so big! I'm looking forward to (and still think I'm a bit crazy for) starting over, and knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel of those long nights and restless days.