Comfy Cozy

Here I am at 39 weeks pregnant. It's been two weeks since she could have "arrived at any time", with one week left until my due date, and another possible 2 weeks of pregnancy. I really hope I don't go that long; each day seems like an eternity, especially since I've had false labor several times now. It's exhausting.

I think the worst thing was expecting her to come early. Every one and their mothers have told me that the second child will normally come well before their due date, not to mention, this baby had dropped into position weeks ago, and each time I go to the doctors I am more dilated, leaving them saying things like "any day now!" And even though I tried to tell myself otherwise, there's was always that part of me that assumed she'd be here by now - especially after my last doctors appointment. They did a procedure called "stripping membranes" which is a more invasive, but still natural method to induce labor - one that will only work if your body and baby are fully ready. And since she's been so low and my body has begun early labor with my dilation, they thought that my chances of going into labor within 24 hours of the procedure was highly likely. But here I am, 2 days later and still no labor.

Positive thinking at this point is nearly impossible. I keep trying to tell myself that nothings happening yet because she's still cookin' in there, and that the longer she stays in, the more healthy she will be at birth. But now at 39 weeks with her officially full term, I can't help but be excited for the real-deal to just get going already. All the walking, jogging, spicy food & pineapple eating, oil capsule popping, yoga ball bouncing these past 3 weeks has done nothing to induce my labor, so now all I have to do is sit back, try to enjoy these final days, and know that when she's ready, she'll let me know.

However, the onset of strong Braxton Hicks contractions, or false labor, has made trying to relax and enjoy out of the question. I will contract several times over the course of an hour, and just when I start to think "okay, this is it!" they come to a dead stop. I'm at a point where I'm telling myself she wont be here until Christmas, just to make this final week(s) seem to go by somewhat fast.

Maybe I'll still get my wish and she'll arrive on Sunday, June 10th - exactly 9 months from our wedding day. I just think that would be awesome. But, for now, it's a Christmas due date in my head.

Stay tuned :)

Anxiously Awaiting

38 weeks and 2 days down, with just 1 week and 5 days to go. It may not seem like a long time to wait (especially since today is day 268 of pregnancy), but boy, are these final days dragging. I only have myself to blame, however, since we gave all our natural-labor-induction attempts a-go on Eric's birthday. I promised myself I'd relax and enjoy the final days of pregnancy, especially since the final few weeks with Lyla seemed like an eternity, but unfortunately that's not how it's going. 

Even though it's made no real difference, I'm still eating pineapple everyday, walking every day, jogging a few times a week, and taking evening of primrose oil capsules, among a few other natural remedies. And although I'm trying my hardest to enjoy this time with Lyla, and how easy things like a trip to the beach or grocery store are, I can't help but think "maybe today!" with each waking morning. Especially with the increased Braxton Hicks (practice contractions); I raise an eyebrow at each twinge of pain I experience. I have been living on my yoga ball - both to help bring the baby's head down and also to help relieve my constant back pain. I've cleaned the house top to bottom at least every other day to make sure things are spotless when those first true contractions hit. My hospital bag is packed and ready to go, and both my mother and mother in law are on stand-by for Lyla-duty once show time begins. So whenever the time does come, we are more than prepared, even though nothing ever feels organized or clean enough. 

I've also definitely experienced some true hormonal changes. Yesterday, while folding bed sheets, I became so frustrated that I slammed the sheet onto the floor, let out a small fit of rage, and burst into tears. Over folding sheets? Yup. I guess 9 months of nearly no real pregnant melt-downs had to be let out sometime. And my hormones chose the bed sheets. 

I'm sure it doesn't help my baby-anxiety when I call friends and family and the first thing they ask is "did your water break!?" My poor mom is on stand-by all the way in Maine, so she's been calling a few times a day to do a "contraction-check". Everyone seems just as anxious to meet this baby as we are! I can't help but want to move things along; I spend hours just staring at Lyla's adorable little face every day, I can't wait to have this feeling all over again with our baby. A new (and even smaller) little face to just gaze into and fall in love with. However, a return of the "hope everything is okay" fears have put reality in perspective that little Hannah will come when she's good and ready, and whether that's today or in 2 weeks, as long as she's healthy it's all we can ask for. But for now, a little extra pineapple and yoga-ball action won't hurt ;) 

Tiny Diapers!

After coming home and unpacking all of the unbelievably generous gifts from our friends and families, I could not wrap my mind around just how little those newborn diapers are! I guess I assumed I'd remember distinctly from having Lyla, but her size 4 diaper seems like a giant compared to this little palm-sized thing! It really made things real....this little baby is on her way! And going to be so tiny!

It also made me realize just how fast it all goes. My once teeny-tiny Lyla is now almost 3, can hold a full conversation, and is growing in leaps and bounds. Even though it seems like just yesterday that I was bringing her home from the hospital, it's also hard to imagine her being small enough to once fit into those tiny diapers and little outfits we saved. And Hannah? She can come any day now! Weren't we just on our honeymoon trying for a baby? I feel like I'm partially in shock. I have looked through Lyla's baby book countless times in these past few months, both for memories and reminders - really, she was that small? She's still such a peanut at 25lbs, but she's so BIG! I spend a good portion of everyday just staring at her, I can't get enough.

Already dilating & effacing, the labor process has slowly begun. It can still be 2-3 weeks, or 2-3 days. But after opening all those teeny outfits yesterday and getting her room set up, we're more excited than ever to meet her. With Lyla, the last few weeks seemed like an eternity because day-to-day I was expecting to go into labor. I started all my natural labor inducing tactics, and figured "any minute now! any day now!" ...and she was a whopping day early. This time, though I've started those same tactics, I'm enjoying everyday that I can feel her move around inside me, and every day I have alone with my big girl. There are going to be some alterations made to our daily schedule once our new baby girl arrives, so I'm taking this time to make the best of the ease of my toddler and the activities we love. But every time little Hannah twists and kicks, I can't help but think that those little movements will be in our arms in just a few shorts weeks...or days! Eric's birthday is on Wednesday, and he wants more than anything for her to be born that day. I seriously doubt she'll be that early, but it would be a special thing, since I am born on my dad's birthday.

So, we're enjoying the ride while it lasts, but cannot wait to put those tiny diapers to good use...and meet our little girl!

Wife & Mother

I think the key to parenting is accepting the responsibility. If you can accept all the difficulties that come with the job, along with the sacrifices it takes to be a good parent, then it makes your job a hell of a lot easier - even on the toughest days.

For me, parenting became easiest when I fully accepted all responsibilities that come along with being a stay at home mom. Instead of scowling at my husband because he didn't help with the dishes or the laundry, I changed my train of thought entirely - I started to view my motherhood as my job; my equal to Eric going to work full time. He puts a roof over our head, and I raise the child(ren) and keep the house clean. This mind set allows me to acknowledge that we both need breaks during the day, and I can feel less resentful that he leaves dishes in the sink or lays on the couch while I give Lyla her bath.  I have to think of our jobs as equal, instead of a competition of who works harder, who is more tired, who does more...etc. Eric works hard 8 hours a day at work, and is up hours before his job starts to get in a work out - just so he can get home earlier to be with his family and help me out (I love him for this!). And I am on the clock 24-7. I used to feel resentful about this, saying things like "your job has a start time and an end time. I'm always working as a mother" - but what does that mind set solve? Especially when, although I'm never off the clock, my hours come with ease; I love watching my little girl grow & play. I get a break during the day when she naps, and she's such an easy-going kid that I can get in a work out with her in the stroller and tend to all my errands with her in tow. I used to think about how much easier it would be to do all these things without her, but again, what does thinking that solve? I do have her and she's my responsibility. Why should I take a back seat all day and leave her with my hard working husband once he's home just so I can do things for myself, alone?

Mind set and acceptance is key. Some people may read this and think "no way do I want the life of a wife and mother", but I do. It's what I signed up for and what I love to do. Sure, I get frustrated and have my days just like anyone else, but viewing things like raising my child(ren) and housework as a legitimate job really helps me get through the day and be a better wife and mother. I love knowing that I can stay home with my daughter and raise her the way I see fit. I love knowing that I'm making my husbands day a bit easier by having his clothes washed and folded, dishes put away, and dinner preparing in the fridge. I also love knowing that because I feel this way, that it reflects onto my family. Eric is always willing to help out more when I'm not a nag about things, after all.

I feel so lucky for the marriage that I have, and the beautiful family we are growing. I am lucky to be this happy, doing things that I love. I wouldn't trade being a wife and mother for the world - any sacrifice made for these two things is well worth it. I wish more people could accept their full responsibilities, let go of wishing things were different, and just make the best life for themselves. This feeling is truly wonderful.

36 down, 4 to go

4 weeks seems like minutes at this point. Sometimes I'm still in 'awe' that I'm married...let alone pregnant...let alone nearly DUE. Although it's approaching quickly, I have to say that I feel quite confident in all of our preparations.

We've done all we can to talk to Lyla about how little the baby will be able to do once she's first born, and how much help she will need from Mommy, Eric and big sister Lyla. Hopefully this will have eliminated the hope that Hannah will come out ready to tackle puzzles and participate in dance parties. I do, however, still worry about how we will all adjust from the easy-going life style of a family of 3 with a fairly easy, independent toddler, to an exhausted family of 4, with demanding needs of a new born and possible regression from Lyla. But again, we've pretty much told ourselves this will happen, and have mentally prepared quite a bit. I've also managed to do some research on how to handle post-baby regression in older siblings. We can't predict what will happen or how we will all react, so all we can do is prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

Lyla talks about her baby sister during every activity during the day, and discusses whether or not she'll be able to do certain things. I think this will also help her have a better understanding of what's to come. We talk about how baby Hannah will be able to come along to most places, like the playground, or story time at the library, but that Mommy or Eric will have to hold her while Lyla plays, because she's a big girl, and Hannah will just be a baby. We also plan to keep Lyla as involved as possible; with feeing, when bottles are made, helping to get diapers, allowing her to pick out little outfits, etc. Hopefully, the more we allow her to do with the baby, the easier the adjustment.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I definitely feel more confident and comfortable knowing that this is my 2nd time around with this baby-thing. Hopefully I won't deprive myself of extra sleep by running to the crib every 30 minutes to check on her breathing, like I did with Lyla, or be totally housebound because I'm scared to take her anywhere. I feel like I will be able to relax and enjoy my new baby this time around, instead of worry about every feeding, every diaper, every breath. Having Lyla also allows me to see the light at the end of the tunnel - knowing that those difficult first few months will pass, and things will always get better and easier. I'm lucky that Lyla is such an easy-going kid - it'll make having to nurse every few hours and give up a lot of my attention a bit easier, knowing that she is content doing puzzles, coloring, or watching a show on her own. She loves her mommy-time, but she's also very content being independent and off in her  own little world.

As d-day grows closer, I'm having less feelings of guilt. I've come to terms with the fact that Lyla will have to share me, and be thrown into this major adjustment. I'm enjoying the time with her now, but am more than ever looking forward to bringing her sister into this world. I think all the necessary preparations we've gone through helps me feel more comfortable - there isn't a book I haven't read, mother I haven't reached out to, or website I haven't browsed regarding any and all of the tough possibilities. No two kids are the same, and no two experiences will be either, but I feel confident knowing that I've done all I can to prepare both my daughter, husband, and myself for what may or may not happen when this baby arrives.

So for now, I'm taking advantage of the time with Lyla, doing things that will be difficult once the baby comes - like stopping for ice cream or giant soft pretzels at the mall (Lyla's favorite) - and am enjoying every last kick and twist I feel from this little life inside me. Soon, we'll be able to hold her and watch these kicks and twists for ourselves! Let the count down continue...

The uncomfortable count down

Just over 5 weeks left until d-day, and I'm growing more uncomfortable by the day. I thought the 2nd time around was supposed to be easier! Clearly I was misinformed.

Looking back at pictures when I was pregnant with Lyla, I was much bigger. Although me weight gain in lbs is similar, the big difference is that I gained the weight with Lyla all over, where this time I'm strictly all belly. My mother is convinced this is the reason for all my discomfort, exclaiming "you have nothing to you to hold up that big belly!" which may be true, since I was never this uncomfortable with my previous pregnancy. We're also both pretty convinced that this baby will be much bigger than Lyla, already estimated over 5lbs and expected to gain 1/2lb a week for the next 5 weeks. Great.

So, to add another "waa-ambulance" post, I'll share my most recent discomforts.

Weeks ago, I began walking with a serious waddle, causing me to walk with my feet turned slightly outward. Now, my feet constantly feel like they're on fire, and no shoe (or lack of) helps. Knowing (or hoping, rather) that my walking-form will return to "normal" after the baby is born, it's a pain I've been able to put up with to keep my exercise somewhat on track. A good foot soak & rub from hubby helps, too :)

Back pain back pain back pain. The only time I've ever experienced back pain previously was when I was 17 and sprained my ankle so badly on a trampoline that it actually damaged my sciatic nerve and traveled right up my leg and into my back. I'll take that any day over the aches, spasms and pain I've been experiencing for the past several days. With my belly growing by the day and the baby getting lower, the strain on my back has made the couch and heating pad my best friend. Luckily, I've been able to take my daily walks with little added discomfort to my back, but the gym has been a struggle. All pregnancy work out plans I had for myself have been foiled! "I'm going to run up until my water breaks" ...fail after 5 months. "I'm going to go to the gym at least every other day" and now, this has been diminished to once or twice a week, if that.

The veins in my leg seemed to have fallen in love and reproduced, and have grown so uncomfortable that standing for long periods of time causes an incredible amount of aches & pressure. So then, I begin to walk funny to comfort my legs, making me turn my feet even more funny, which causes my back to ache. The never ending cycle. Add carting a 25lb toddler around on your hip and its a recipe for disaster.

Everyone seems to think this little (or not so little) girl is going to come early, and I'm starting to think that it wouldn't be such a bad thing. As much as I want to soak up these remaining 5 weeks with my big girl, I haven't been able to be the most adventurous mother with all this pain. I'm not sure what I'm going to do if it gets worse as she grows, which is likely. I won't be able to leave bed! I'm actually looking forward to the rainy weather expected this week, so I can spend days in my pajamas, watching movies and doing crafts with my girl. She's convinced that with her new doctors kit, she can fix mommy's back with a pretend shot and plastic band-aid. It's quite adorable.

Bittersweet, the ending of this pregnancy. I cannot wait to meet Hannah and have all this discomfort come to an end, but I also am enjoying each and every day I have left with life just a bit easier now than it will be in a few weeks. Although at this point, those sleepless nights and non-stop nursing sessions sound pretty good to me right about now.

Pregnant Forever?

Now, I know I'm pregnant, and I know that results in a baby, but lately I feel like I'm going to be pregnant forever. Partly, because this pregnancy is going by way too fast; I would have sworn I was only 4 or 5 months pregnant - not in my 8th, and also because part of me can't imagine having two children.

Even with her crib set up, clothes organized, toys and books ready for play, for some reason, it is still hard to see her being here. And this, naturally, fills me with fears that something may go wrong. I've read that this is a common fear with any pregnancy, especially after have experienced several complications like I have: bleeding, nurses who couldn't find a heart beat, monitoring for early contractions & decreased fetal movement...it's been a nerve-wracking 33 weeks.

It's hard to believe I only have 7 weeks left, and that's if I make it to my due date; everyone and their cousin swears I'm going to have this baby early, because my belly is so big and low already, and I have already started dilating. But as far as I'm concerned, she can stay in there as long as she wants. As much as I can't wait to meet her, I am enjoying my 8 hours at night, naps during the day, and one-on-one time with Lyla-girl of course.I'm also really enjoying the end of my pregnancy (minus the back pain) - little Hannah's movements are so much stronger now, I can almost pin point which body part of hers is poking at me. I'm enjoying the preparations we're undergoing for her arrival, from the set up of her nursery to talking with Lyla about being a big sister. The calm before the storm, I guess you could call it, because as magical as a new baby is, we all know it's not just playgrounds and adorable sibling moments. But for now, it's pretty darn adorable when Lyla sings lullabies to my belly, or talks about all she will teach her baby sister. I'm soaking this in while I can before the cries for attention begin once Hannah is "living at home instead of mommy's belly" as Lyla says.

 But time is flying - didn't I just pee on that stick and see those 2 little lines yesterday? No, scratch that, didn't I just give birth to Lyla? ...wait, what? She's almost 3? Where has all this time gone? 7 weeks feels like minutes to me, seeing how I feel like I should just be 7 weeks along, with 33 left - not the other way around.