Comfy Cozy

Here I am at 39 weeks pregnant. It's been two weeks since she could have "arrived at any time", with one week left until my due date, and another possible 2 weeks of pregnancy. I really hope I don't go that long; each day seems like an eternity, especially since I've had false labor several times now. It's exhausting.

I think the worst thing was expecting her to come early. Every one and their mothers have told me that the second child will normally come well before their due date, not to mention, this baby had dropped into position weeks ago, and each time I go to the doctors I am more dilated, leaving them saying things like "any day now!" And even though I tried to tell myself otherwise, there's was always that part of me that assumed she'd be here by now - especially after my last doctors appointment. They did a procedure called "stripping membranes" which is a more invasive, but still natural method to induce labor - one that will only work if your body and baby are fully ready. And since she's been so low and my body has begun early labor with my dilation, they thought that my chances of going into labor within 24 hours of the procedure was highly likely. But here I am, 2 days later and still no labor.

Positive thinking at this point is nearly impossible. I keep trying to tell myself that nothings happening yet because she's still cookin' in there, and that the longer she stays in, the more healthy she will be at birth. But now at 39 weeks with her officially full term, I can't help but be excited for the real-deal to just get going already. All the walking, jogging, spicy food & pineapple eating, oil capsule popping, yoga ball bouncing these past 3 weeks has done nothing to induce my labor, so now all I have to do is sit back, try to enjoy these final days, and know that when she's ready, she'll let me know.

However, the onset of strong Braxton Hicks contractions, or false labor, has made trying to relax and enjoy out of the question. I will contract several times over the course of an hour, and just when I start to think "okay, this is it!" they come to a dead stop. I'm at a point where I'm telling myself she wont be here until Christmas, just to make this final week(s) seem to go by somewhat fast.

Maybe I'll still get my wish and she'll arrive on Sunday, June 10th - exactly 9 months from our wedding day. I just think that would be awesome. But, for now, it's a Christmas due date in my head.

Stay tuned :)

Anxiously Awaiting

38 weeks and 2 days down, with just 1 week and 5 days to go. It may not seem like a long time to wait (especially since today is day 268 of pregnancy), but boy, are these final days dragging. I only have myself to blame, however, since we gave all our natural-labor-induction attempts a-go on Eric's birthday. I promised myself I'd relax and enjoy the final days of pregnancy, especially since the final few weeks with Lyla seemed like an eternity, but unfortunately that's not how it's going. 

Even though it's made no real difference, I'm still eating pineapple everyday, walking every day, jogging a few times a week, and taking evening of primrose oil capsules, among a few other natural remedies. And although I'm trying my hardest to enjoy this time with Lyla, and how easy things like a trip to the beach or grocery store are, I can't help but think "maybe today!" with each waking morning. Especially with the increased Braxton Hicks (practice contractions); I raise an eyebrow at each twinge of pain I experience. I have been living on my yoga ball - both to help bring the baby's head down and also to help relieve my constant back pain. I've cleaned the house top to bottom at least every other day to make sure things are spotless when those first true contractions hit. My hospital bag is packed and ready to go, and both my mother and mother in law are on stand-by for Lyla-duty once show time begins. So whenever the time does come, we are more than prepared, even though nothing ever feels organized or clean enough. 

I've also definitely experienced some true hormonal changes. Yesterday, while folding bed sheets, I became so frustrated that I slammed the sheet onto the floor, let out a small fit of rage, and burst into tears. Over folding sheets? Yup. I guess 9 months of nearly no real pregnant melt-downs had to be let out sometime. And my hormones chose the bed sheets. 

I'm sure it doesn't help my baby-anxiety when I call friends and family and the first thing they ask is "did your water break!?" My poor mom is on stand-by all the way in Maine, so she's been calling a few times a day to do a "contraction-check". Everyone seems just as anxious to meet this baby as we are! I can't help but want to move things along; I spend hours just staring at Lyla's adorable little face every day, I can't wait to have this feeling all over again with our baby. A new (and even smaller) little face to just gaze into and fall in love with. However, a return of the "hope everything is okay" fears have put reality in perspective that little Hannah will come when she's good and ready, and whether that's today or in 2 weeks, as long as she's healthy it's all we can ask for. But for now, a little extra pineapple and yoga-ball action won't hurt ;) 

Tiny Diapers!

After coming home and unpacking all of the unbelievably generous gifts from our friends and families, I could not wrap my mind around just how little those newborn diapers are! I guess I assumed I'd remember distinctly from having Lyla, but her size 4 diaper seems like a giant compared to this little palm-sized thing! It really made things real....this little baby is on her way! And going to be so tiny!

It also made me realize just how fast it all goes. My once teeny-tiny Lyla is now almost 3, can hold a full conversation, and is growing in leaps and bounds. Even though it seems like just yesterday that I was bringing her home from the hospital, it's also hard to imagine her being small enough to once fit into those tiny diapers and little outfits we saved. And Hannah? She can come any day now! Weren't we just on our honeymoon trying for a baby? I feel like I'm partially in shock. I have looked through Lyla's baby book countless times in these past few months, both for memories and reminders - really, she was that small? She's still such a peanut at 25lbs, but she's so BIG! I spend a good portion of everyday just staring at her, I can't get enough.

Already dilating & effacing, the labor process has slowly begun. It can still be 2-3 weeks, or 2-3 days. But after opening all those teeny outfits yesterday and getting her room set up, we're more excited than ever to meet her. With Lyla, the last few weeks seemed like an eternity because day-to-day I was expecting to go into labor. I started all my natural labor inducing tactics, and figured "any minute now! any day now!" ...and she was a whopping day early. This time, though I've started those same tactics, I'm enjoying everyday that I can feel her move around inside me, and every day I have alone with my big girl. There are going to be some alterations made to our daily schedule once our new baby girl arrives, so I'm taking this time to make the best of the ease of my toddler and the activities we love. But every time little Hannah twists and kicks, I can't help but think that those little movements will be in our arms in just a few shorts weeks...or days! Eric's birthday is on Wednesday, and he wants more than anything for her to be born that day. I seriously doubt she'll be that early, but it would be a special thing, since I am born on my dad's birthday.

So, we're enjoying the ride while it lasts, but cannot wait to put those tiny diapers to good use...and meet our little girl!

Wife & Mother

I think the key to parenting is accepting the responsibility. If you can accept all the difficulties that come with the job, along with the sacrifices it takes to be a good parent, then it makes your job a hell of a lot easier - even on the toughest days.

For me, parenting became easiest when I fully accepted all responsibilities that come along with being a stay at home mom. Instead of scowling at my husband because he didn't help with the dishes or the laundry, I changed my train of thought entirely - I started to view my motherhood as my job; my equal to Eric going to work full time. He puts a roof over our head, and I raise the child(ren) and keep the house clean. This mind set allows me to acknowledge that we both need breaks during the day, and I can feel less resentful that he leaves dishes in the sink or lays on the couch while I give Lyla her bath.  I have to think of our jobs as equal, instead of a competition of who works harder, who is more tired, who does more...etc. Eric works hard 8 hours a day at work, and is up hours before his job starts to get in a work out - just so he can get home earlier to be with his family and help me out (I love him for this!). And I am on the clock 24-7. I used to feel resentful about this, saying things like "your job has a start time and an end time. I'm always working as a mother" - but what does that mind set solve? Especially when, although I'm never off the clock, my hours come with ease; I love watching my little girl grow & play. I get a break during the day when she naps, and she's such an easy-going kid that I can get in a work out with her in the stroller and tend to all my errands with her in tow. I used to think about how much easier it would be to do all these things without her, but again, what does thinking that solve? I do have her and she's my responsibility. Why should I take a back seat all day and leave her with my hard working husband once he's home just so I can do things for myself, alone?

Mind set and acceptance is key. Some people may read this and think "no way do I want the life of a wife and mother", but I do. It's what I signed up for and what I love to do. Sure, I get frustrated and have my days just like anyone else, but viewing things like raising my child(ren) and housework as a legitimate job really helps me get through the day and be a better wife and mother. I love knowing that I can stay home with my daughter and raise her the way I see fit. I love knowing that I'm making my husbands day a bit easier by having his clothes washed and folded, dishes put away, and dinner preparing in the fridge. I also love knowing that because I feel this way, that it reflects onto my family. Eric is always willing to help out more when I'm not a nag about things, after all.

I feel so lucky for the marriage that I have, and the beautiful family we are growing. I am lucky to be this happy, doing things that I love. I wouldn't trade being a wife and mother for the world - any sacrifice made for these two things is well worth it. I wish more people could accept their full responsibilities, let go of wishing things were different, and just make the best life for themselves. This feeling is truly wonderful.

36 down, 4 to go

4 weeks seems like minutes at this point. Sometimes I'm still in 'awe' that I'm married...let alone pregnant...let alone nearly DUE. Although it's approaching quickly, I have to say that I feel quite confident in all of our preparations.

We've done all we can to talk to Lyla about how little the baby will be able to do once she's first born, and how much help she will need from Mommy, Eric and big sister Lyla. Hopefully this will have eliminated the hope that Hannah will come out ready to tackle puzzles and participate in dance parties. I do, however, still worry about how we will all adjust from the easy-going life style of a family of 3 with a fairly easy, independent toddler, to an exhausted family of 4, with demanding needs of a new born and possible regression from Lyla. But again, we've pretty much told ourselves this will happen, and have mentally prepared quite a bit. I've also managed to do some research on how to handle post-baby regression in older siblings. We can't predict what will happen or how we will all react, so all we can do is prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

Lyla talks about her baby sister during every activity during the day, and discusses whether or not she'll be able to do certain things. I think this will also help her have a better understanding of what's to come. We talk about how baby Hannah will be able to come along to most places, like the playground, or story time at the library, but that Mommy or Eric will have to hold her while Lyla plays, because she's a big girl, and Hannah will just be a baby. We also plan to keep Lyla as involved as possible; with feeing, when bottles are made, helping to get diapers, allowing her to pick out little outfits, etc. Hopefully, the more we allow her to do with the baby, the easier the adjustment.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I definitely feel more confident and comfortable knowing that this is my 2nd time around with this baby-thing. Hopefully I won't deprive myself of extra sleep by running to the crib every 30 minutes to check on her breathing, like I did with Lyla, or be totally housebound because I'm scared to take her anywhere. I feel like I will be able to relax and enjoy my new baby this time around, instead of worry about every feeding, every diaper, every breath. Having Lyla also allows me to see the light at the end of the tunnel - knowing that those difficult first few months will pass, and things will always get better and easier. I'm lucky that Lyla is such an easy-going kid - it'll make having to nurse every few hours and give up a lot of my attention a bit easier, knowing that she is content doing puzzles, coloring, or watching a show on her own. She loves her mommy-time, but she's also very content being independent and off in her  own little world.

As d-day grows closer, I'm having less feelings of guilt. I've come to terms with the fact that Lyla will have to share me, and be thrown into this major adjustment. I'm enjoying the time with her now, but am more than ever looking forward to bringing her sister into this world. I think all the necessary preparations we've gone through helps me feel more comfortable - there isn't a book I haven't read, mother I haven't reached out to, or website I haven't browsed regarding any and all of the tough possibilities. No two kids are the same, and no two experiences will be either, but I feel confident knowing that I've done all I can to prepare both my daughter, husband, and myself for what may or may not happen when this baby arrives.

So for now, I'm taking advantage of the time with Lyla, doing things that will be difficult once the baby comes - like stopping for ice cream or giant soft pretzels at the mall (Lyla's favorite) - and am enjoying every last kick and twist I feel from this little life inside me. Soon, we'll be able to hold her and watch these kicks and twists for ourselves! Let the count down continue...

The uncomfortable count down

Just over 5 weeks left until d-day, and I'm growing more uncomfortable by the day. I thought the 2nd time around was supposed to be easier! Clearly I was misinformed.

Looking back at pictures when I was pregnant with Lyla, I was much bigger. Although me weight gain in lbs is similar, the big difference is that I gained the weight with Lyla all over, where this time I'm strictly all belly. My mother is convinced this is the reason for all my discomfort, exclaiming "you have nothing to you to hold up that big belly!" which may be true, since I was never this uncomfortable with my previous pregnancy. We're also both pretty convinced that this baby will be much bigger than Lyla, already estimated over 5lbs and expected to gain 1/2lb a week for the next 5 weeks. Great.

So, to add another "waa-ambulance" post, I'll share my most recent discomforts.

Weeks ago, I began walking with a serious waddle, causing me to walk with my feet turned slightly outward. Now, my feet constantly feel like they're on fire, and no shoe (or lack of) helps. Knowing (or hoping, rather) that my walking-form will return to "normal" after the baby is born, it's a pain I've been able to put up with to keep my exercise somewhat on track. A good foot soak & rub from hubby helps, too :)

Back pain back pain back pain. The only time I've ever experienced back pain previously was when I was 17 and sprained my ankle so badly on a trampoline that it actually damaged my sciatic nerve and traveled right up my leg and into my back. I'll take that any day over the aches, spasms and pain I've been experiencing for the past several days. With my belly growing by the day and the baby getting lower, the strain on my back has made the couch and heating pad my best friend. Luckily, I've been able to take my daily walks with little added discomfort to my back, but the gym has been a struggle. All pregnancy work out plans I had for myself have been foiled! "I'm going to run up until my water breaks" ...fail after 5 months. "I'm going to go to the gym at least every other day" and now, this has been diminished to once or twice a week, if that.

The veins in my leg seemed to have fallen in love and reproduced, and have grown so uncomfortable that standing for long periods of time causes an incredible amount of aches & pressure. So then, I begin to walk funny to comfort my legs, making me turn my feet even more funny, which causes my back to ache. The never ending cycle. Add carting a 25lb toddler around on your hip and its a recipe for disaster.

Everyone seems to think this little (or not so little) girl is going to come early, and I'm starting to think that it wouldn't be such a bad thing. As much as I want to soak up these remaining 5 weeks with my big girl, I haven't been able to be the most adventurous mother with all this pain. I'm not sure what I'm going to do if it gets worse as she grows, which is likely. I won't be able to leave bed! I'm actually looking forward to the rainy weather expected this week, so I can spend days in my pajamas, watching movies and doing crafts with my girl. She's convinced that with her new doctors kit, she can fix mommy's back with a pretend shot and plastic band-aid. It's quite adorable.

Bittersweet, the ending of this pregnancy. I cannot wait to meet Hannah and have all this discomfort come to an end, but I also am enjoying each and every day I have left with life just a bit easier now than it will be in a few weeks. Although at this point, those sleepless nights and non-stop nursing sessions sound pretty good to me right about now.

Pregnant Forever?

Now, I know I'm pregnant, and I know that results in a baby, but lately I feel like I'm going to be pregnant forever. Partly, because this pregnancy is going by way too fast; I would have sworn I was only 4 or 5 months pregnant - not in my 8th, and also because part of me can't imagine having two children.

Even with her crib set up, clothes organized, toys and books ready for play, for some reason, it is still hard to see her being here. And this, naturally, fills me with fears that something may go wrong. I've read that this is a common fear with any pregnancy, especially after have experienced several complications like I have: bleeding, nurses who couldn't find a heart beat, monitoring for early contractions & decreased fetal movement...it's been a nerve-wracking 33 weeks.

It's hard to believe I only have 7 weeks left, and that's if I make it to my due date; everyone and their cousin swears I'm going to have this baby early, because my belly is so big and low already, and I have already started dilating. But as far as I'm concerned, she can stay in there as long as she wants. As much as I can't wait to meet her, I am enjoying my 8 hours at night, naps during the day, and one-on-one time with Lyla-girl of course.I'm also really enjoying the end of my pregnancy (minus the back pain) - little Hannah's movements are so much stronger now, I can almost pin point which body part of hers is poking at me. I'm enjoying the preparations we're undergoing for her arrival, from the set up of her nursery to talking with Lyla about being a big sister. The calm before the storm, I guess you could call it, because as magical as a new baby is, we all know it's not just playgrounds and adorable sibling moments. But for now, it's pretty darn adorable when Lyla sings lullabies to my belly, or talks about all she will teach her baby sister. I'm soaking this in while I can before the cries for attention begin once Hannah is "living at home instead of mommy's belly" as Lyla says.

 But time is flying - didn't I just pee on that stick and see those 2 little lines yesterday? No, scratch that, didn't I just give birth to Lyla? ...wait, what? She's almost 3? Where has all this time gone? 7 weeks feels like minutes to me, seeing how I feel like I should just be 7 weeks along, with 33 left - not the other way around.

Same Thoughts, New Day

I have fears for both my girls as little Hannha's due date slowly approaches. And they are fears I've talked about many times before, but they're getting more real as the days go by. Most of the cause, I'm sure, is hormones; but I have a hunch that the other reason for feeling these things is because I feel like I'm setting myself up for failure in a way. I know having 2 children while having a full-time working husband will be one of the hardest things I will ever have to do. Constantly expressing these fears, I suppose, is my way of preparing myself for the worst - a tactic I used throughout my pregnancy with Lyla. Better to prepare with the worst in mind, instead of day dreaming of perfect children, sunshine and daisies. So, here I go again:

I have this extreme guilt at times for having a second child. I feel terrible about having to share my time, my love, and my patience with 2 little ones, instead of being the cool, calm, collected mother of 1. I fear that Lyla will experience a much less tolerant mommy, due to a combination of lack of sleep, round the clock nursing, and doubling my mother-load; and it's just not fair to her - she's going to be going through a great change, too, and I fee terrible knowing that I may be more snappy or less willing to talk her through her temper tantrums and emotions; especially knowing that first born children tend to regress after the birth of a sibling for attention, among other reasons. I know that I am feeling more sensitive to Lyla's feelings now because I KNOW her; Hannah isn't born yet, and I've yet to create the bond with her that I have with my sweet 2 year old. It's hard to believe that there's enough love in me to love another child as much as I love my girl, and I know that there is, but without little Hannah here, I can't help but feel clingy and sensitive to Lyla's feelings.

Another thing that saddens me, which Eric brought up during one of our conversations about Lyla, is that Hannah will never experience the alone time with mommy the way Lyla has. To her, there will always be 2, and she'll never know any different. I will have had nearly 3 years of one-on-one time with Lyla by the time the baby enters the world, and this is something that baby will never have the chance to know. Because of this, I worry that I won't be able to put in the efforts that I had the ability to with Lyla, because I will be juggling two. Luckily, Lyla starts pre-school a few months after Hannah is due, and that will give me alone time with my new baby girl to laugh, play and teach. But somehow, when it comes to your kids, it never feels like enough. I wish I could clone myself so that my children can have equal time with me, but I can't. Sometimes I think "how can I be the best mother I can be when I can only give each of my children half of my time?" I can't imagine how full time working mothers must feel.

I've also come to terms that "me time" will simply no longer exist. When I had Lyla, I would nap when she napped, or use that time to do chores, catch up on reading, or phone calls with friends. Now, with Lyla's napping slowly coming to a close (there goes my dream of both children napping at the same time...) I will put Hannah's nap time to best use by doing things with Lyla that may be difficult with an awake baby, like messy crafts. I'll be moving in shifts: Hannah's shift, then Lyla's shift, repeat. I'll be in total survival mode those first several months, and will keep the big picture in mind of my children being old enough to do things together.

Top all that with still finding time for Eric and I, chores, etc. Oh, the life of a wife, and I wouldn't change a thing, however, I did talk to my doctor today about some serious long term birth control ;)

I look forward to the "challenge" of 2 children; preparing for the worst and hoping for the best. At least this time, I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel of each phase; newborn, teething, terrible 2's...you name it. I've been there, done that, and think I'm crazy to be doing it all over again, but cannot wait all at the same time.

Enjoying the Ride

I have blogged about this before, but the thought has plagued my mind yet again all morning: Although I cannot wait to meet our baby Hannah, I am truly enjoying this time alone with Lyla. My mind is always conflicted between feeling selfish for having another baby, because of how much Lyla's life will change, and yet I am excited to have made her a sibling for those exact reasons.

Having 13 years between me and my brother, I feel like I virtually missed out on having a sibling - until I got older and we grew closer - but I was 3 when he moved out and have no real memory of him living with me. My oldest niece loves to tell me how lucky I am for this, because if she had her way, she would have been an only child and reaped all the benefits of being spoiled and "the one and only", but the addition of 2 sisters made that impossible for her. Of course, siblings will be siblings; arguing and all, but I can only hope that Lyla will benefit from having her sister around as a playmate, friend, and of course, family.

When I was expecting Lyla, I was counting the days until she was due. I did everything possible to (naturally) induce my labor and meet my baby girl. And, with my back feeling the way it has been lately, I'm sure the further along I get in this pregnancy the more I will want it to end, too, but for right now, I'm appreciative of every day I have with my big girl. I'm always reminding myself how difficult certain activities and time together may become with the arrival of Hannah, which allows me to cherish each day between now and June. I stare at her little face everyday in "awe" of how much she's grown and how beautiful she is. I hold her as often as I can, since my arms will likely be reserved for the one who can't walk come summer time.

I'm also just enjoying being pregnant (as much as I can with the back and ligament pain I'm experiencing). We've talked seriously about this being our last pregnancy (we'll see), so every flutter, kick, or hiccup, I sit back and enjoy. It's much more enjoyable now, too, knowing that those kicks and hiccups with soon be accompanied with crying and endless nursing sessions. I love watching my belly grow, knowing that I am doing all I can with healthy eating and exercise to create the best start to life that I can for this little one. It's also still amazing that there is a BABY in there!

But, as excited as I am to meet her, I am going to thoroughly enjoy these last 11 weeks by appreciating my time with Lyla, my pregnancy, and the calm before the storm ;)

My Pregnancy Diet

I think by now I have read every book, blog, or website on eating well when you're expecting. Most things I abide by, but there are some things - like eating the bones in canned fish - that I just cannot do. This time around, I have been even more strict with my diet, with my main focus on ingredients. I try to steer clear of any artificial colors or flavorings; anything labeled 100% natural is right down my alley. My strict eating habits kicked into overdrive when my sister in law's water broke at 28 weeks pregnant (where I am now in my pregnancy) and gave birth just shy of 31 weeks. Knowing that every bite you take you share with your baby really hit home when you see this little 3lb baby laying in an incubator. If anything were to happen to me like this, I'd want my baby to have the best chance at a normal, healthy life.
I've had a few expecting mom's approach me with lots of questions, which I love because I am an open book; you ask, I tell. So, I thought I'd share my typical pregnancy diet for anyone wanting to read it.

-whole wheat/grain products: unless the word "whole" is there, you are missing out on the bran & germ; they are removed in the refining process of most breads. whole!whole!whole! I look for this when buying bread products, granola bars and pastas.
-omega-3 eggs: all from non-caged animals, and good for those brain-boosting fatty acids
-greek yogurt: more protein than regular yogurt. I usually add walnuts for extra calories & omega 3's, and fruit or raisins for vitamins.
-guacamole: I make mine with half an avocado mashed up with a teaspoon or 2 of salsa. Good fat & calories for baby
-chicken: we usually marinade it and fry it in a skillet, or boil it and throw it into a stir fry with some olive oil, peppers, onions, and brown rice.
-salmon: our favorite recipe is topped with a little mayo & dill, popped in the toaster oven. Usually paired with a side of rice (brown or whole-grain pilafs) and asparagus - good for folic acid!
-snacks: i try to snack on things like cut up veggies with hummus, cottage cheese, string cheese, apples with peanut butter, rice cake with peanut butter & banana or raisins, handful of nuts or seeds...but there's always room for my organic cookies dunked in milk (or vanilla soy milk...yummo)
-veggies: i try to have a veggie with both lunch and dinner; spinach with a little smart balance, peas & corn, broccoli, chopped peppers, salad with cucumber (and my newest health nut addition, kale). I also always throw some lettuce (romaine or other dark leaves) on my burgers or sandwiches along with cucumber slices.
-fruit: I usually have an apple or orange between meals for a snack, but love to buy frozen (no sugar added) fruit to add to smoothies or just crunch on.
-wheat germ: I try to add this to everything I can, but realistically only use a teaspoon or 2 a day. It's a great source of folic acid, and I find it easiest to add to oatmeal, yogurt, smoothies, and cereal.

Desserts:
-chocolate: dark chocolate (at least 60% cocoa) is delicious and an awesome antioxidant
-mousse: Unfortunately, you can't eat real chocolate mousse when you're expecting, so I make a boot-leg version with instant chocolate pudding mixed with some cool whip (one of my non-all-natural treats, whoops)
-frozen yogurt: less fat and calories than ice cream, and now newly available in greek frozen yogurt!

Of course this isn't all of the things I eat, but for the most part I eat a variety from this list on a daily basis. I also am not so strict to refuse food at others' houses, I just make sure it's on the "safe" list and get back to my diet as soon as I can. I can only hope that my determination with eating habits combined with exercise and rest can bring a healthy, happy baby into this world, and that I have given her the best start to life possible.

6 months & uncomfortable

I don't remember being this uncomfortable with Lyla, especially before my 3rd trimester hit. I have a feeling (and fear) that this is going to be one big baby - especially since Eric was close to 9lbs himself.
Heat and stretching has stopped relieving my back pain. The baby on my bladder had stopped me from running, and now braxton hicks contractions has slowed the rest of my work out routine; so much for being wonder mom and being in tip-top shape this whole pregnancy. My slow weight gain has forced me to eat even when I'm not hungry, making me feel full and nauseous. And to top it all off, my 2nd trimester is coming to an end, bringing back the exhaustion and increased hormones I experienced in months 1-3. Pretty sure I barely made it past 9pm last night before I was passed out on the couch, and I was less than tolerant of Lyla's every-5-minute temper tantrums yesterday.
But, on a positive note, the weather this week has so far been beautiful, and looks like it'll stay that way for the remainder of the week (until next week when we'll probably get some wicked snow storm; this is New England after all). The vitamin D from the sun and fresh air really does a body good, and Lyla and I have been walking everywhere - whether it's walking Petey around the block or taking an extended walk in the stroller to the playground, I still manage to get in some exercise, and can nearly forget all my pregnancy discomforts when the weather is 70 degrees and sunny.
I know I'll only become more uncomfortable from here on out, but hopefully with Spring upon us, I'll be easily distracted 8-)

"Daddy"

For the past (nearly) 2 years, the term "daddy" has been more of a negative thing for me. Ben became less involved in Lyla's life as Eric became more - but Lyla has always called Eric, Eric - not daddy. If you ask her who her daddy is, she will tell you it's Eric, but there's still the known fact that a "daddy" exists somewhere out there. The fact that Eric will be Hannah's actual, biological, called-by-the-name daddy is almost strange to me. I have actual fears that I will hand Eric his new baby girl and say "go see Eric!"

It will definitely be an adjustment for me to add the term back into my daily vocabulary - and not want to cringe at the word itself. I'm sure it will be an adjustment for Eric, too - he already feels like a father, but to hear your child call you Daddy after being simply Eric for the last couple of years must be amazing. I'm curious, too, if Lyla will adopt the name for Eric and begin to actually call him Daddy. I have always said that the choice is hers; I don't tell her that Eric is her daddy, I tell her that her daddy is busy at work, but she's a smart little girl and understands that Eric is the father-figure in her life, and took it upon herself to recognize Eric AS her Daddy - name called or not.
Who knew one little word could mean so much?

Just an Update

So, according to my WTE app, I am 24 weeks and 5 days along, in my 2nd trimester, with a 15 week and 2 day countdown. The baby is roughly the size of an eggplant this week, at about 9 inches and 1.7lbs.
At the beginning of this pregnancy, all I wanted were empty carbs and greasy foods - mainly due to severe morning sickness that barely allowed me to hold down anything, let alone raw fruits and veggies. Now, my cravings have turned for the cliche-expecting-a-girl sweet tooth. Every day after lunch I have 3 Oreos (well, Newmans O's, all natural ;] ) dipped in milk; a must have. At night, it's usually a square of dark chocolate or hot chocolate covered in whipped cream. Just delicious. I've also had a NEED for peanut butter; sandwiches, on toast with banana, smeared on apples, even just spoonfuls. Another recent must have.

The other day I discovered my first "mother-mark" - a varicose vein right in the middle of my lower right leg. Thanks, baby Hannah. I managed to make it through my entire pregnancy with Lyla without a single mark, and now 6 months in to this one I'm sprouting purple spider webs. Just goes to show you can't stop mother nature; even with stretching & yoga daily, exercise 3x's a week and drinking more than enough water, I'm still turning into a human fly catcher. Very sexy.

I'm starting to feel little Braxton Hicks contractions; mainly noticeable when exercising, but sometimes happen even just sitting on the couch. Not painful though, just uncomfortable with the extreme tightening.

Little Hannah has been more active than ever! Eric and I were watching my belly roll like waves in the tide as she performed her nightly gymnastics routine. I'm enjoying it now, since once she's in position she'll only be able to kick me in the rib cage.

After feeling so sick my first few months, it's funny what things can still trigger my nausea. I still can't go anywhere near ginger or bran muffins without a twinge in my stomach, but then there are other things - non-food things, that can trigger it too. For example, the television show Little Einstein's that Lyla loves to watch in the morning. At the time of my sickness, she would watch this show every single morning. She recently switched over to Little Bear for a while instead, and is now back. The sound of the little voices on the show literally make me feel sick. It just reminds me of eating saltines on the couch, sipping my gingerale, and racing to the bathroom. How weird is that?

Exercise is becoming more difficult as the baby gets bigger and heavier on my bladder. Up until recently, my work out routine consisted of a warm up on the bike, 25 minute run on the treadmill, 5 minute jog and 10 minute walk to cool down. Well, after nearly peeing my pants on the treadmill at the gym on more than on occasion, it was clear to me that my pregnancy-running days were over. Bummer. I have now traded the treadmill for the elliptical - alternating 5 minutes forward, 5 minutes backwards. I'm determined to work out as much as I can, while I can. I know that soon the elliptical may even become to difficult and I'll be left with my only option: walking. But, every little bit helps; I feel better, I'm gaining weight at a steady, healthy pace, my labor will (hopefully) be easier, and my body will (again, hopefully) go back to pre-pregnancy status sooner. This all reined true for everything with Lyla; hopefully I will be lucky enough to have it happen twice.

Well, a little more than 3 months until our little girl is here, and for now I'm just going to sit back, eat my cookies and peanut butter, feel those little kicks and flutters, and exercise as much as my body will allow.

Until next time, blog.

Different Mind Sets

Every thing I have read, and every mother with multiple children, has told me that every pregnancy is different. For me, this was true not only with symptoms, but with my state of mind.

I was 19 when I got pregnant with Lyla, and under much different circumstances as I'm sure most of you are aware. I was a party girl, coming out of a bad relationship and subsequently making unwise decisions. Little Lyla was created and my partying days were over. Any pregnancy at any age comes with its own difficulties, but mine were especially pronounced. I had no real desire to be with the person who would (biologically) father my child, and to make matters worse, I would sit at home (over the toilet, mostly), knowing all my friends were still out partying, carefree, without me. Being pregnant at a young age was tough - none of my friends had babies, and I didn't have anyone to relate to with my morning sickness and non-stop growing uterus. And, as I'm sure all young parents have faced, you have to tell you parents. I was so nervous, I seriously considered e-mailing my dad to tell him, because I didn't want to see the look of disappointment on his face. Then there was the concern of everyone else finding out: what will they say about me? what will they think? Of course, all these worries were put to rest as my pregnancy progressed and Lyla came into the world. Suddenly I was the center of attention. Everyone wanted to be a part of this little miracle, and they were; I must have had at least a few visitors a day for Lyla's first few months of life. And then, the newness wore off, and I was left a nearly single mom with Lyla's father working such long hours and my friends and family returning to their everyday lives.

But this time was so wonderfully different. Not only was it a planned pregnancy, but planned with my husband (man, that feels good to say). When I was pregnant with Lyla, I noticed that people would often glance down at my ring finger out of curiosity. "Hmmm...someone didn't plan this" I always assumed they were thinking. But this time, I didn't want to crawl under a rock for 9 months once those little pink lines showed up on that stick; I wanted to tell everyone. This time, I called my dad first. Then sent the not-so-subtle photo message of my pee stick to my close friends, mom and brother. It was a great feeling to get responses like "YAY!!" and "congratulations!!" verses "are you going to keep it?" or "uh-oh".

So although these two pregnancies have been very different, both symptomatically and emotionally - and I will love both my girls the same - I can't help but be thankful of the situation I'm in now, and can appreciate it that much more because of where I had been.

Going from 1 to 2

Most days, I am so excited to bring a new little bundle of joy to our family, and to share things with Hannah that I have shared with Lyla. But then there are days like yesterday, when Lyla was having what we call a "sensitive day" and cried at nearly everything, where I can't help but think to myself "what are we getting ourselves into!?" 

I have several fears that come long with this new little addition. The main one being that I will not be able to give her as much attention as I did with Lyla. With Lyla being my first, I don't have much to compare her to as far as milestones go, but lots of people have told me she's well ahead of where the average 2 1/2 year old is for speaking, motor skills, and emotions. I can't help but be proud when I hear this, because from the moment I found out I was pregnant with her I did everything in my power to make sure she was the healthiest, happiest little girl. I even read to her when she was still growing in me, let alone all the reading and song singing we did once she was born. Now, expecting my 2nd child, I'm realizing how easy it was to raise Lyla just the way I wanted, because it was just the two of us. Now, both my girls will have to share my time, and I can't help but sometimes wish there were two of me, just to be fair. Lyla's mommy time will be interrupted by nursing sessions (and an all around exhausted mother), and Hannah will have to learn to share me from the start, unlike Lyla who had me to herself for nearly 3 years. I just hope that I will be able to give Hannah the same opportunities I've given to Lyla. 

I worry about my tolerance level, having to deal with 2 children on next to no sleep, with a full-time working husband. My "cool-calm-collected" manners may change, which is understandable, yet not fair to my girls. I've already declared that I will not be taking both children to the grocery store by myself - sometimes Lyla still has her typical 2 year old moments in there, how am I supposed to deal with that on top of a hungry new born? Yeesh. I also worry about how all this will effect Eric and I; he'll need a break when he gets home from his long work day, yet, so will I. We talk about it often, so hopefully when the time is here, we will fall into a pattern of understanding and helpfulness for each other. 

Despite these worries, I know they are things that will all blow over in time. I know that I'll need to prepare myself for doing things different than I'm used to, because now I will have 2 children. That's double what I'm used to. I also know that the exhaustion phase will eventually come to an end, and before it does, that I will find appropriate ways to deal with it (not that I won't have my days, I'm sure). I am also just so overjoyed to have the opportunity to have another baby, especially SINCE I have done it before. Lyla's still little, yes, but she's also so big! I'm looking forward to (and still think I'm a bit crazy for) starting over, and knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel of those long nights and restless days. 

Moving

Most women experience a period called "nesting" during their pregnancy. This is when you have the need to clean and organize absolutely everything in preparation of the new baby. Now into my 6th month of expectancy, I have started to feel the pull of the nesting force field, and because of this, our move couldn't have come at a better time.

When you finish organizing something, you have this feeling within you as if you just finished a huge school project; relief and accomplishment. I have experienced this time and time again over the past few weeks, beginning with giving our new apartment fresh coats of paint, to organizing all of Lyla's saved baby clothes. Our apartment is so clean you could eat off the floors (which have just been redone), and little Hannah's closet is starting to fill up. We steam cleaned Lyla's rug - which makes me feel both accomplished and grossed out, based on how disgusting the water was when we finished. It feels amazing to be so well prepared for the next few months to come. I also had the opportunity to move while I was pregnant with Lyla, so I am familiar with how great a move can be when you're expecting; though, my husband may disagree since I'm not allowed to do much in the "moving" process.

I think the fact that we have been slowly packing and moving for the last month will help Lyla a lot, too; both with the move itself and the arrival of her baby sister. She's been a huge part in helping us pack - picking which toys she wants to bring over, what color to paint her (and Hannah's) room, etc. She also gets a kick out of going through her baby stuff, gushing when she picks up the newborn-sized onesies.

We'll be all moved in by next weekend (weather permitting) and I cannot wait to continue to make this new place our home.